The Fullness of Our Lives

I realize it has been almost two months since I posted and so much has happened since then.  It is has been nearly impossible to find time to write, but it’s on my mind all the time because there is so much I want to capture about my three sons and our life at this time.  My sweet husband is watching our boys so I can run some errands and now sit at Starbucks and have a few quiet moments.   My first post is a quick one; one I actually started a month ago and never finished.  I realize I just don’t have the time to articulate my thoughts in a fashion that satisfies what I’m truly feeling, but my short, choppy thoughts will have to do.  

Life in the French Household has been what I like to call very FULL lately.  Full of love, full of learning, full of changes, full of laughter, full of noise and yes, full of chaos!  Our days are full from 4 or 5am until 9:30/10pm and up once or twice from 10pm to 4 or 5am; I guess you can say from sun up to sun up (NOT sun down...)! It seems that every event during the day is broken into pieces.  I'll start to feed Luke when Wyatt has to go potty.  I'll take him potty and start to feed Luke again.  Then other breaks are taken because I have to play referee or booboo kisser.  I'll start the laundry or cleaning the kitchen only to realize something else needs to be done, but then have to stop again to play cars with the boys or give Luke extra snuggle time.  It seems that I never finish an activity these days when I start; there is just lots of interruptions.  Most of these interruptions are precious though and I have been praying that God continues to help me learn to 'let the little things go'.  Yes, I'd love to feed Luke more than once a day without an interruption, but learning to leave the crumbs on the floor so I can go read a favorite book to the boys as they snuggle on my lap, or run to the window to watch a spider crawl across it is just the best.  The crumbs, the dust, the dog hair, the laundry... they won't go anywhere (unfortunately!), but these moments to love and teach my children are going by in a hurry.  I don't want my boys to grow up and remember their mom (only) by the clean home she kept, but rather the love and memories we shared.  There will be a day when I won't have to worry about crumbs, blocks and so much laundry.  When that day comes, I want to use my new found time reminiscing all the beautiful moments we shared and smiling on the amazing men my boys became.

Ah, the fullness of our life right now... My heart is happy and content, my body and mind… oh so tired!  

Gavin and Wyatt have the most amazing energy and enthusiasm; their love for life radiates and overflows daily.  I am in awe daily as I watch them grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Most days are wonderful (albeit very FULL).  A fun part of parenting these days is learning how to help Gavin and Wyatt express their opinion and explore life and still listen to us the first time.  Testing has become a major part of some of our days some weeks. 

Being a parent allows you to look at the world God created in a whole new light; it also teaches you how to enjoy and embrace it!  One of the biggest things I've learned the past several years is to enjoy 'just being'.  Our time is precious and I try hard to protect it; time to relax, time to be with each other, friends and family, time to enjoy God's creation and blessings.  One amazing part of staying at home with my boys is allowing them to enjoy being children as they should.  They don't have to wake up early every morning to rush to daycare.  We don't have a strict schedule every day, so their is lots of time for reading, walks, playing outside, snuggles, etc.  

Another fullness we've entered into in our home these days is lots of noise and almost always at very high levels.  I've been praying a lot lately that God show me how to parent Gavin and Wyatt at this age.  How do I teach them to 'lower their voice' and yet not squish their spirit.  How do I encourage their amazing energy and enthusiasm God gave them, and yet teach them to channel it well.  How do I help them learn how to control their emotions in some situations?  If you come to visit our home these days, more often than not, I feel it's only appropriate to offer Tylenol in case the noise level was a little too high.  How Luke can sleep through it all or remain calm in what seems like chaos, is beyond me.  I am thankful he is demonstrating an easy-going personality thus far!  I know soon enough he will be right in the middle with his big brothers!

One ‘fullness’ we don’t have yet is sleep.  Luke has had colic pretty bad in the evenings and night since about 3 weeks.  I guess you can say this has allowed me to fill up on the caffeine.  It hurts to watch your tiny baby in such pain and discomfort.  The sleep training has been to a minimal too because of the colic and what it does to his/our schedules. 

Life with two 20 month olds and a soon to be 3 month old is honestly the hardest and yet best thing I’ve ever experienced.  This stage of life is a whole lot harder than twin newborns, only because of the activity level and constant teaching and shepherding the older boys who are still so young, while meeting the needs of our little boy, and doing all with such little sleep.  Emotionally and mentally I feel I’m drained and don’t have any of the answers I need to parent my boys. 

With my mom’s sweet gifts, I have been able to fill our living spaces with lots of Scripture.  I realize I just don’t have time to devote the time I want and need to read through the Bible these days.  But it’s the most important part of my day.  So I realized what I needed to do is to have Scripture EVERYWHERE and read verses here and there all day long.  I have scripture posted in the kitchen and the game room that I made toward the end of pregnancy.  I have books and cards full of different Scripture versus in the hallway, living room, game room, bathroom, and kitchen.  There are wall hangings and plaques placed perfectly in the kitchen and outside the boys’ rooms as great reminders for me.  This has helped beyond words.  

On a funny note: Last month I was rocking Luke in his room as I was trying to get him ready for bed for the evening.  Above the guest bed is the verse, ‘He leadeth me beside still waters.’  I sighed and told God I know he does this, but I just don’t see the still waters these days.  (I looked down at Luke and saw him staring at the cross behind us on the wall.  It warmed my heart and made me cry as I was reminded that this is what life and parenting is about: knowing our Lord and bringing ourselves and others to the cross.)  Later as I was talking to a friend and Jason about this, we laughed and said that my ‘still waters’ these days is likely ‘spilled waters’!  So now when the boys spill milk or water or I step on the thousands of crumbs in the house, I smile thinking this is the ‘still waters’ God leads me besides these days and I find my joy in knowing He gives me the peace in the messes of the day even!

I guess what I’m trying to say and capture is that life is hard right now; really really hard.  It is the most amazing gift and I truly treasure every day with my children.  I can’t thank God enough for entrusting us with three of His wonderful sons!  But I am weary and honestly feel lost in so many aspects of parenting these days.  I like to get things right the first time, but I feel that parenting is a lot of trial and error.  I continue to pray hard and ask God to guide us each step and work in all of our hearts.  He is teaching me so much and I am thankful I can lean on Him!

I better get started trying to capture a few things about my three boys before I run out of time.  On to the next posts about my amazing sons!!!