The Tyranny of Negative Thinking - A Walk with God

Today I had my ‘Day of Prayer’ at the Cenacle. As I sat there the first few quiet minutes of reflection, I realized that I came this morning with preconceived thoughts about how today would flow and what perhaps I ‘would learn’. The topic was ‘The Tyranny of Negative Thinking’, so my mind began to list the things that I might focus on that day. But as I sat there in the quiet, I began to pray instead for me to be emptied and for God to fill me as He wished; for me to quiet my mind and heart so I may hear Him.

As I’ve mentioned before, it seems as though I’ve been struggling with a ‘lack of focus’ which causes dryness in two of the areas I just love to do; reading and writing. Yes, I’ve been able to read more than I was this summer and I can write at times, but nothing flows like God used to allow and my mind seems to be distracted too much for writing. Knowing this coming in, perhaps I should say struggling with this as I came in this morning, I ask God to speak through this ‘dry spell’ in which my focus was so weak.

In our first guided meditation, I was able to sit in the quiet chapel. I sat and began to write a ‘letter’ to God about the topic at hand. And the words just began to flow. This hasn’t happened in a while and it was wonderful. Along with the flow of words, many tears flowed. Where do our negative thoughts come from? Although much of my conversation with God I wish to remain private, I do want to share that roots and results of ‘fear’ were set before me to explore and understand; fear of ‘failure’ or ‘falling short’.

During our second guided meditation, I explored some questions that aroused from our first mediation. I wrote:

I fall like a leaf, floating down on a cool autumn day. What once was green, now is brown; a sign of a season ending and another starting. Like a leaf, we never fall straight down, but rather are wrapped in God’s breezes; gently floating to the places He pleases. A change in direction, no, not an upward climb, but still in His grip I stand. To stand when falling is only by His grace, His love and His mercy He pours out. For when I am weak, He is strong. Though I may fail, God will prevail. To God be the glory.

Our last activity before lunch was learning to ‘Walk Mindfully’. For a while I walked around the grounds asking myself, ‘How can a walk with God ease the ‘fear’? I realized that when I walk with God, we seem to be going in no specific direction with no specific purpose; just being with each other and sharing. When I think of ‘walking’, I think of getting from point A to point B, but with God, sometimes we walk to ‘just be’. Like the leaf floating down on God’s breezes, my walk with God will go where He leads.

I’ve realized today that with God, there is no failure. I can not fall while in His grip and He will never let go of me. As He guides the fallen leaf, He guides me to where I need to be. What seems like a lack of success is looked at by God as just another turn of events in our life together; an event that will lead me closer to Him and allow Him to shine through me to others as well.