Turning Two - Growing in Love

My boys are turning two years old tomorrow; that is so hard to believe.  Part of me feels like I was just pregnant with them, then just holding them and soaking them in for the very first time.  I've been thinking of all the prayers I prayed before becoming pregnant.  All the prayers during pregnancy and now every day since their birth.  I thank God for these precious sons He has entrusted to us.  They have enriched our lives beyond words.  They have allowed us to grow in many ways we didn't know we needed to and in others we did.  Our home has become a stronger home and filled with so much love and laughter.  Our home never is quiet or dull.  I have learned to see the world God created in whole new lights!  All of this and more all because of God and the precious sons we love dearly!

There are so many things I capture about them as they grow here on this blog, and honestly more I want to capture about them at this age as they turn two.  But most important of all, I want to capture this time by focusing on their growing hearts and the ways I see God working in their lives.  While growth in knowledge, physical abilities, etc are important, their souls are worth far more.  Watching the transformation and growth of love in their hearts leaves me speechless.

I honestly don't know how to start or where to begin, so I guess I'll start off with the main truths I've been teaching and focusing on with Gavin and Wyatt (and now Luke) since they were born.  1) God made EVERYTHING (which we go into detail...) 2) God made ALL OF US 3) God is LOVE (God loves us, Jesus loves us) 4) We think of Jesus' love for us when we see the cross 5) We need to practice our love for others and ourselves (God helps us with this, we can not do this alone).  That about sums up the basic ideas which of course we stem off of.

All throughout the day we talk about what God has made and 1) Thank Him in all things and for all things 2) Take care of what He has given us.  This allows for us to talk to God all day long; both in formal prayers and common conversation with Him.

Starting from the time they were first born, these teachings started and became so much a part of our daily routine.  With all things, the more we practice the more it becomes natural.  (Now that they are starting to speak more, grasp bigger concepts, etc, I've started to add more and more Scripture to my instruction (and with the age of two comes more independence and testing and thus more discipline and instruction).  This feels very awkward, but I know by the time they understand more, it will be second nature to me.  I pray for the perseverance to continue and the wisdom to instruct them correctly that will raise them to know, love, serve and glorify God.)  Anyways, as the weeks and months go by the fruit is often hard to see at such a young age.  But little by little light shines through!  As they turn two, I am filled with great joy as I watch their hearts begin to transform.  With each little step, I know Christ is working in their hearts!

So if I had to sum up the biggest lesson we talk about every day, ALL DAY, it would be LOVE.  I started to teach 'love' because I realized I had a very hard time teach 'sharing'.  What is sharing after all?  Get a bunch of moms together and each wants her child(ren) to learn sharing.  So each child is told to share, but the 'principles' behind sharing get all jumbled up at this time.  'Share because it is his toy.' 'Share because it is ours and we want them to enjoy it.' 'You have it for a little while and then give so and so a turn.' Etc... What is this teaching children?  I don't know because I'm honestly confused myself!  So... I stopped focusing on 'sharing' and instead started focusing on showing LOVE.

We talk about (not all at one time though!) how God is love and thus God loves us.  We love because He first loved us.  We are called to love others no matter what.  Love is an action not a feeling, thus we choose to love.  Love is the most important practice to learn.

So... this teaching of love is taught in every situation in our home.  When people come over we rejoice and thank God for family and friends and practice our love by making them feel welcome and enjoying our home and 'toys'.  We love our brother and thus we want him to have joy.  When we can not love, we ask God to help us love.  Hurting someone physically or mentally is not love, it 'hurts them' (duh, I know... but they are two...).  We are called to obey our parents (and parents obey God), thus showing them and God love.  We show God we love Him and are thankful by being joyful, not whining, etc.  Etc, Etc...

So, I mention all this to capture a lot of what we've been learning the past two years.  Here is what Gavin and Wyatt's hearts have been up to!

Wyatt is a natural 'lover'.  He delights in taking care of his brother Gavin and now Luke too.  He goes out of his way to get Gavin's water, food, toy, shoes, hats, books, etc.  If Wyatt has something, he wants Gavin to have one too.  While this comes natural to Wyatt, Gavin struggles with this a little more.  It can be (not always) very hard for Gavin to 'share' something with Wyatt.  What ever Wyatt has, Gavin normally wants it.  This past month, Gavin's heart has grown greatly!  He will desire to play with something, then you can see him pause.  He then smiles and gives it to his brother (this is a BIG DEAL on certain toys or food), and runs to me saying, 'share mama, share'!  We then rejoice and talk about how great it is to show love and thank God for helping us show it!  Watching him make the conscious decision to share when it is hard and Wyatt's natural tendency to do so makes me rejoice so greatly!

The first year to year and a half, both boys showed little interest in picking up their toys when Mama told them it was time to help.  These days, Wyatt is an amazing helper and often picks up large tasks without me asking him to!  When cherrios would be spilt on the floor, Gavin used to care less even after I told him it must be picked up (accidents are okay, but we have to pick it up I tell them).  But these days, Gavin shows a much greater effort in picking them up, often on his own!  Both boys LOVE to help me clean, and always have.  They love to vacuum, dust, clean the floors, etc.  I know many children do this, but I find such delight in their cheerful and willing hearts to help Mama.  When they do help me, I make a big deal over their act of love and again we thank God for helping us love.  I know some might think these things minor, but when it comes to the HEARTS of my children, these growths are such huge successes!

Both Gavin and Wyatt are the most amazing snuggle bugs!  They shower us with hugs, kisses and pats all day long.  Gavin loves to pat me on the back and I realized I do this A LOT!  Never noticed it until he started doing it to me!  Wyatt likes to put his hand on your shoulder or pat your leg.  Both boys are amazing huggers.  Gavin now comes up to me from behind and hugs on my neck... melt my heart.  He just hangs there and rests his head on mine!  Wyatt loves to sit on my lap all throughout the day.  He calls it 'lalap' (many words or doubled in some form... dog-gog, la-Luke, car car, etc...).  When it comes to their brother Luke, these boys are AMAZING!  Their only fault is they don't know their size or his.  They love to kiss and hug him or pat him.  They love to talk to him.

Gavin and Wyatt have become wonderful at encouraging one another and Luke.  They cheer and high five each other for almost every potty success (which is all the time all day long!) and other great new things they try.  Every day you can hear them cheering Luke on by saying, 'Roll Luke roll!' and now 'Crawl Luke crawl!'  What a beautiful thing watching your boys build each other up!  One of my biggest prayers about their relationship is that they always do this.  That the only competition is the healthy one and that they celebrate each other for who God made them to be and partake in each other's likes.

Gavin and Wyatt do not like for each other to have booboos.  The whole concept of booboos is fascinating to them actually.  So we spend a lot of our kisses kissing new and old (sometimes very old) booboos (and with them... they get a lot of booboos...)  They will randomly kiss their brothers booboo if they happen to see it.  This is rather interesting sometimes... One might be using the potty and the other will see the booboo on his brothers thigh... yeah... you get the picture.  I pulled a muscle or pinched a nerve in my back about a month ago.  Gavin still comes up to me and kisses my booboo even though it has been healed for a long time!  Again, we rejoice in their love and thank God for showing us how to love.

Both boys love to pray at 'formal times' like meals and bed.  They like to repeat certain parts of the prayers these days.  They also love it when we sing our 'good morning songs' that I started when they were newborns.  We say at meals (this will change as they grow, but the repetition is good for them at this age, plus they get in depth prayers all throughout the day) 'Thank You God for our food.  Come Lord Jesus, be our Guest, and let this food to us be blessed.  Amen.'  At bed time we pray, 'Thank You God as this day ends, for our family and our friends.  Taking to sit and pray, thank You God for this great day! Amen' (at that time Gavin is now also adding 'thank you for our food'!)  In the morning we sing, 'Thank you Jesus, thank You Jesus, thank You Jesus for another daaaaayyyyyy!' and 'This is the day, this is the day, this is the day the Lord has made, Let's rejoice!'  Gavin and Wyatt will often start saying their prayers on their own without knowing we are watching before they eat their pretend food they just pretended to cook!  It made me cry the first time I saw Wyatt doing this the other week.  They also will fold their hands and say thank you before eating snacks sometimes.

They love their special Bibles and reading time.  They have their special places for them and know that reading from the Bible is a special book, not like any of their other books.

While all these things are 'outward' actions from Gavin and Wyatt, it is the heart that is really changing. 'Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.' ~Proverbs 4:23~

As wonderful as these growths are, it is their growing love for Jesus that is the most beautiful.  The boys get so excited when they see a new picture of Jesus!  My aunt brought them a new Bible story book and they got so excited when they saw Jesus' picture on the front with little children.  They immediately said, 'Je-Us!' They also love to talk about the cross.  I explain to them we think of Jesus' love for us when we see the cross.  The past couple of weeks, their interest and delight in the connection between the cross and Jesus has grown greatly.  Watching the smile on their faces is amazing.  They are so young and can only comprehend so much.  But I know for sure that God is working in their hearts and doing great things; for the Word never comes back void.

I will write another post about all their birthday celebrations and what other things they are doing and learning these days as the week unfolds.  For now I want to say a special prayer of thanks for our three precious sons.

Dear Lord, thank you beyond words for our precious sons You have entrusted to us.  When I prayed for children all those years ago, I had no idea the precious sons you would bless us with that You already knew and loved beyond our imaginations.  Thank You for allowing me to be their mother.  Thank you for the special way you knit each one in my womb.  Thank you for helping me grow by being their mother.  As always, Lord, please help me to teach them to know You, love You, and serve You, that You may be glorified.  Help me to raise each son into the man You created them to be; encouraging them in their strengths and weaknesses; learning their passions You gave them.  Help me to teach them about this amazing world you created for us; to enjoy it, take care of it but to never become of it.  Please continue to help us learn to love You first and put You in the center of our everyness.  Please help me learn to guild our sons and discipline and instruct them using your Word and truths.  These things and so much more, I pray in Jesus' precious name, Amen.

My Dream Home

I've heard a lot lately about dream homes; we've even been looking at pictures of available homes we might consider moving into in the next couple of years.  But all this random talk has gotten me thinking about what I really consider my dream home to be...

I want my dream home to be a place where people walk through the door and feel a sense of automatic Peace; a retreat from the world outside; a haven so to speak.  The Peace that only comes from Christ.  I want Love to be felt by all who live here and enter.  God's Love and that which He allows to fill us and overflow to those around us.  I want there to be so much Joy and laughter.  The Joy that is experienced in a life with Christ.  I want people to take their shoes off and get comfortable; for it to be clean but lived in.  I want it to be a place where we can share excitement, fears and trials; a place we can be who God created us to be.  I want it to be a place of encouragement and acceptance.  I want it to be known deep in our hearts that God is the center of our lives; in every aspect of it.  I want our family time to be cherished.  Each person who entered should be honored and treated as the child of God they are.  I want friends to be able to stop by and chat; knowing that we always make time for family and friends.  I see a home filled with Thankfulness.  Prayer and praise should be on our lips all throughout the day.  We will learn to choose our words carefully and protect our eyes, ears, minds and hearts.  We will seek forgiveness from God and others when we fall short.  Opinions are expressed and discussed and respected.  Truths are taught and cherished.  Rules are created and upheld and discipline enforced when not respected.  God's Word is everywhere and in our hearts and minds and on our lips.  Good food is always available and prepared.  Hugs and kisses and embraces are common all throughout the day.  Mama and Daddy will keep their relationship as the most important second to God.  Our children know they are cherished and delighted in; loved unconditionally.  They will feel loved and safe.  This will be a place their roots are created so they can take flight when God calls them to lead the life He has called them to.  We will learn to be good stewards with all God has entrusted to us.  We will enjoy God's creation and the life He has given us.

My dream home is our haven on earth; a gift from God until we gather in the home He has prepared for us in heaven.

And when life is hard and we fail or make mistakes, I want each to rest in God's peace and joy because they know that our home is filled with His Grace; and it is this Grace we extend to each other and those who enter.  This Grace is probably the most important aspect of my dream home; it's only through Christ that we can have and extend it.  Nothing has taught me more about Grace than being entrusted with three little precious boys under the age of 2.  God has lavished me with His Grace and I pray He continues to help me learn to extend it to those most dearest to me.  

My dream home is perfect; perfect because it gives us a special place to live out our humanness with each other while lavishing in God's amazing Grace!  I will continue to work at building our dream home for my family and me and all those God has brought and will bring into our lives.  For we do not labor in vain.  The wise woman builds her home; builds it on the Rock and not shifting sands.  My dream home is not just a dream; but a living, and continual, work and gift I can give to my family and God.  

Thank You Lord for building our home and for building Your home inside each of us.  Thank You for creating the family and the home to look, act and feel the way You have.  Thank You for helping us create and live in our dream home with You!
 

The Fullness of Our Lives

I realize it has been almost two months since I posted and so much has happened since then.  It is has been nearly impossible to find time to write, but it’s on my mind all the time because there is so much I want to capture about my three sons and our life at this time.  My sweet husband is watching our boys so I can run some errands and now sit at Starbucks and have a few quiet moments.   My first post is a quick one; one I actually started a month ago and never finished.  I realize I just don’t have the time to articulate my thoughts in a fashion that satisfies what I’m truly feeling, but my short, choppy thoughts will have to do.  

Life in the French Household has been what I like to call very FULL lately.  Full of love, full of learning, full of changes, full of laughter, full of noise and yes, full of chaos!  Our days are full from 4 or 5am until 9:30/10pm and up once or twice from 10pm to 4 or 5am; I guess you can say from sun up to sun up (NOT sun down...)! It seems that every event during the day is broken into pieces.  I'll start to feed Luke when Wyatt has to go potty.  I'll take him potty and start to feed Luke again.  Then other breaks are taken because I have to play referee or booboo kisser.  I'll start the laundry or cleaning the kitchen only to realize something else needs to be done, but then have to stop again to play cars with the boys or give Luke extra snuggle time.  It seems that I never finish an activity these days when I start; there is just lots of interruptions.  Most of these interruptions are precious though and I have been praying that God continues to help me learn to 'let the little things go'.  Yes, I'd love to feed Luke more than once a day without an interruption, but learning to leave the crumbs on the floor so I can go read a favorite book to the boys as they snuggle on my lap, or run to the window to watch a spider crawl across it is just the best.  The crumbs, the dust, the dog hair, the laundry... they won't go anywhere (unfortunately!), but these moments to love and teach my children are going by in a hurry.  I don't want my boys to grow up and remember their mom (only) by the clean home she kept, but rather the love and memories we shared.  There will be a day when I won't have to worry about crumbs, blocks and so much laundry.  When that day comes, I want to use my new found time reminiscing all the beautiful moments we shared and smiling on the amazing men my boys became.

Ah, the fullness of our life right now... My heart is happy and content, my body and mind… oh so tired!  

Gavin and Wyatt have the most amazing energy and enthusiasm; their love for life radiates and overflows daily.  I am in awe daily as I watch them grow physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  Most days are wonderful (albeit very FULL).  A fun part of parenting these days is learning how to help Gavin and Wyatt express their opinion and explore life and still listen to us the first time.  Testing has become a major part of some of our days some weeks. 

Being a parent allows you to look at the world God created in a whole new light; it also teaches you how to enjoy and embrace it!  One of the biggest things I've learned the past several years is to enjoy 'just being'.  Our time is precious and I try hard to protect it; time to relax, time to be with each other, friends and family, time to enjoy God's creation and blessings.  One amazing part of staying at home with my boys is allowing them to enjoy being children as they should.  They don't have to wake up early every morning to rush to daycare.  We don't have a strict schedule every day, so their is lots of time for reading, walks, playing outside, snuggles, etc.  

Another fullness we've entered into in our home these days is lots of noise and almost always at very high levels.  I've been praying a lot lately that God show me how to parent Gavin and Wyatt at this age.  How do I teach them to 'lower their voice' and yet not squish their spirit.  How do I encourage their amazing energy and enthusiasm God gave them, and yet teach them to channel it well.  How do I help them learn how to control their emotions in some situations?  If you come to visit our home these days, more often than not, I feel it's only appropriate to offer Tylenol in case the noise level was a little too high.  How Luke can sleep through it all or remain calm in what seems like chaos, is beyond me.  I am thankful he is demonstrating an easy-going personality thus far!  I know soon enough he will be right in the middle with his big brothers!

One ‘fullness’ we don’t have yet is sleep.  Luke has had colic pretty bad in the evenings and night since about 3 weeks.  I guess you can say this has allowed me to fill up on the caffeine.  It hurts to watch your tiny baby in such pain and discomfort.  The sleep training has been to a minimal too because of the colic and what it does to his/our schedules. 

Life with two 20 month olds and a soon to be 3 month old is honestly the hardest and yet best thing I’ve ever experienced.  This stage of life is a whole lot harder than twin newborns, only because of the activity level and constant teaching and shepherding the older boys who are still so young, while meeting the needs of our little boy, and doing all with such little sleep.  Emotionally and mentally I feel I’m drained and don’t have any of the answers I need to parent my boys. 

With my mom’s sweet gifts, I have been able to fill our living spaces with lots of Scripture.  I realize I just don’t have time to devote the time I want and need to read through the Bible these days.  But it’s the most important part of my day.  So I realized what I needed to do is to have Scripture EVERYWHERE and read verses here and there all day long.  I have scripture posted in the kitchen and the game room that I made toward the end of pregnancy.  I have books and cards full of different Scripture versus in the hallway, living room, game room, bathroom, and kitchen.  There are wall hangings and plaques placed perfectly in the kitchen and outside the boys’ rooms as great reminders for me.  This has helped beyond words.  

On a funny note: Last month I was rocking Luke in his room as I was trying to get him ready for bed for the evening.  Above the guest bed is the verse, ‘He leadeth me beside still waters.’  I sighed and told God I know he does this, but I just don’t see the still waters these days.  (I looked down at Luke and saw him staring at the cross behind us on the wall.  It warmed my heart and made me cry as I was reminded that this is what life and parenting is about: knowing our Lord and bringing ourselves and others to the cross.)  Later as I was talking to a friend and Jason about this, we laughed and said that my ‘still waters’ these days is likely ‘spilled waters’!  So now when the boys spill milk or water or I step on the thousands of crumbs in the house, I smile thinking this is the ‘still waters’ God leads me besides these days and I find my joy in knowing He gives me the peace in the messes of the day even!

I guess what I’m trying to say and capture is that life is hard right now; really really hard.  It is the most amazing gift and I truly treasure every day with my children.  I can’t thank God enough for entrusting us with three of His wonderful sons!  But I am weary and honestly feel lost in so many aspects of parenting these days.  I like to get things right the first time, but I feel that parenting is a lot of trial and error.  I continue to pray hard and ask God to guide us each step and work in all of our hearts.  He is teaching me so much and I am thankful I can lean on Him!

I better get started trying to capture a few things about my three boys before I run out of time.  On to the next posts about my amazing sons!!!

Potty Training - Stage 1

I can't remember the exact age I bought the boys their first potty chairs, but I'm thinking it was somewhere between 8 and 10 months.  My main goal in getting them so early was just help the boys become aware of their body functions and to not be afraid of sitting on the potty.  The boys just loved sitting on them and from time to time would go potty, but nothing more.  Wyatt started to become aware of his bottom first in the tub when he'd sit in the water.  Then he became more and more aware throughout the day.  Then about 15-16 months he started to tell us every time he went pee or poo in his diaper.  About 2 weeks after Luke was born, the boys were just about to turn 18 months, Wyatt became very upset every time he went potty in his diaper.  He wanted it changed right away and would basically cry until it was changed.  I knew that I had to give potty training a shot for his sake, even though he was so young and I had a tiny newborn at home and was recovering from a C-section.  

Now Gavin still liked to sit on the potty, but that was really the extent of his interest still.  His awareness of when he would go in his diaper still wasn't there yet.  So how were we to go about potty training twins?  I did a lot of reading online and prayed.  I realized that I had to go through the potty training process with them together, but was determined to treat them as individuals and never compare or get them to compete.  My main prayer was that their hearts would be joyful that week and that they would never feel pressure or upset with accidents.  I figured I'd give it a week and see what happened.  If they were ready, we'd know and if not, then we'd wait.  After all, the only reason I was training so early at 18 months was because Wyatt said he was ready.  

So here is what we did in a nutshell:

I bought everything we'd need on Sunday; cleaning supplies, Micky Mouse briefs, and extra potty seats.  I wanted to potty chairs in each bathroom because they are easier for an 18month old to sit on by themselves than the seats that attach to the big toilet.  We started on a Tuesday and made sure we didn't have anywhere to go for at least 3 days and a minimal of places for a week.  We woke up Tuesday morning and started our day off as usual (I had everything ready to go the night before).  We ate breakfast as usual, I fed and changed Baby Luke and then when all was 'done' for the morning, we started.  I took off their diapers and put on underwear.  I explained they were big boys and we weren't going to use diapers anymore, but put pee and poo in the potty!  We then put all the diapers in a trash bag to symbolize we were done with the 'baby diapers' (I of course saved them because we'll use all left overs for Luke some day...).  I told them they were to 'tell Mama when you have to go peepee and we'll go on the potty.  Keep your underwear dry, deal...' and they'd say 'deal!'.  I then gave them LOTS of fluids all day.  They boys do not drink juice in our house, but as a treat I bought some for that week.  I'd put a tiny bit in their cups and fill the rest with water.  They thought this was awesome and chugged it all day long.  The more fluids in them, the more they have to go, the more accidents they have, the faster they learn.  

The point of our training was to get them to recognize when they had to go, not just to go on the potty.  I don't' want them to just go on the potty when I take them, but to tell me when they have to go.  The first day I did at least 3 or 4 loads of laundry and spent about 80% of my day in the bathroom or cleaning the floor.  Day 1 was only about 10% progress!  Day 2 Wyatt started to take off by the afternoon, and then just hit the ground running (or the potty peeing!).  I only did 2 loads of laundry on Day 2 (once at lunch and the other after bedtime).  Day 3 Gavin started to use the potty at times too.  Both boys were going pee and poo on the potty.  There were still some accidents, but Wyatt's were very few and mostly consisted of tiny dribbles, then he'd hold it, we'd run to the potty where he'd finish going.  Wyatt's control was getting great by the end of Day 3.  That Saturday we had a birthday party to go to.  I ran to the store before hand and Wyatt told me afterward that he had to go potty.  I had put them in pull-ups for our outing to save the store and our friends from messes... I simply told him we'd go to the potty as soon as we got to our friend's house.  He seemed okay with that.  We arrived and as soon as we got inside he reminded me he had to go potty.  I took the potty seat I brought, attached it to the toilet and he peed a lot!  That little guy held it the whole time!  He went potty 2 more times we were there also; staying dry the whole day!  Long story short, Wyatt is in underwear every day and doing great!  I'm so thankful I started training him as soon as he was ready instead of waiting.  

Now Gavin made progress that week, but really wasn't too interested in the whole thing.  He didn't seemed to bothered when he'd wet himself and started to run away when I'd take Wyatt to the potty.  I realized he just wasn't ready and didn't want to keep pushing him if it wasn't his time.  I'm so thankful they are so young, because he didn't seem upset that he 'didn't get it' when his brother did.  There was no competition which was great in this case.  I decided to put diapers back on Gavin.  He seemed relieved  too.  I still tell him to keep his 'britches' (I don't say diapers unless talking about Baby Luke's diapers) dry and tell Mama when he has to go peepee or poopoo.  Just this past week he's started to tell me when he's going potty in his diaper and wants to sit on the potty (although he doesn't want to take his pants off...).  His awareness is growing daily.  He'll let us know when it's time to start training him again.  

Other notes:  

I know our boys personalities and age and decided the whole 'reward' thing wasn't good for them; they just wouldn't understand.  But I did decide to have sticker 'charts' upstairs and down that they could put stickers on each time they sat on the potty.  That didn't work either!  They became so sidetracked with the stickers, they could care less about sitting on the potty.  So, the stickers just became a random fun thing to do during the day.  We called them potty stickers.  The boys put them on themselves and the chart and took them off and put them all over the floors.  Boy did they have fun!  

I still put on diapers/pull-ups during naps.  This is mainly for my sake because I may not be able to rush to them right away when they wake up and have to go since I'm taking care of Luke.  I'll be tackling naps pretty soon I think.

The boys are in diapers at night still.  I just don't see them ready for night-time training for a while.  Every morning their diapers are saturated.  Plus, they are still in cribs and wouldn't be able to get out and go anyways.  Again, I'm up at night with Luke and may not be able to get to them right away when they call for us to go potty.

Speaking of Baby Luke, poor little guy.  The first two days training was so hard on him.  It took over 2 hours to finish nursing him one meal.  I'd start and two minutes later have to put him down to rush the boys to the potty.  Then I'd get ready to feed him again and someone would have an accident.  Training two was double the work and poor Luke was getting just bits and pieces of me for two days.  I decided to ask Grandma Nadine to come love on Luke on Day 3 and 5.  He was able to get lots of extra love while I was in the bathroom with the boys!  He started to get more bottles of breast milk vs nursing when we started potty training for obvious reasons!  Holding a baby on the breast while sitting on the bathroom floor and trying to get two 18 month olds to aim in the whole was a little overwhelming!  

I prayed for joyful hearts all week and God provided it for all of us!  It was a great week and taught me a lot.  It made me aware of things I need to stay consistent with in teachings with the boys and some things that I could be a little more lax on.  Helped us stay focused on the joy and fun in each day instead of all the 'teaching' per say.  I'll probably write more about this in a later parenting post.  But all in all, it was a great week for us!  

'Back to the Feet of Jesus' : Update

This past week God has given me an incredible increase in peace, patience and joy as I mentioned in my last post.  I am so thankful!  This past week has also been a lot more difficult physically.  I'm at the very end of pregnancy and my body knows it.  Yesterday I was beyond exhausted physically, and after several nights of not sleeping well, I knew today was going to have to be a 'snuggle day'; a day where we didn't have any plans or go anywhere.  So I woke up wanting a calm day to recuperate as much as possible.

I woke up thinking about ME and satan decided to use that as a foothold.

I am convinced the boys sense some big change is going to happen soon, because they are super clingy.  Not just wanting to snuggle or be near me (which is common and I just love!), but they both have to be on my lap or in my arms at all times of the day (and I mean both on my growing-smaller-by-the-day-lap).  The minute I stand up it's a disaster.  And today... it's reached a peak!  While Gavin's actually in a really sweet mood, something has sent Wyatt for a loop.  He's super super super clingy and very upset unless I'm holding him.  We've snuggled all day, but there have still been LOTS, and I mean LOTS of whining and crying today, and it's only 1pm (I could have written the same thing at 9am, but it's just continued since then).

Anyways, I realized my folly this morning thinking about my convenience and need for rest; albeit natural.  I've asked God to help shift my focus instead onto Him and my sweet family, knowing He is already taking care of me.  I'm trying to ask Him what I can do for my sweet boys today, especially seeing how next week will be such a major change with Luke's arrival!  I've recited my Scripture passages I've posted along the house, along with lots of others hidden safely in my heart!

I'm still wide eyed in frustration sometimes, but I'm thankful for the great peace and love God has filled me with.  I'm thankful for the eye opener for my need to change focuses from me to them and God.  I'm praying hard and very thankful!

Back to the Feet of Jesus

At some point these past several months I have become discouraged with prayer; at least that is how I look at in my mind and heart after many conversations and cries out to God.  I came to a point where I was beyond dry and weary this past month.  Now, I believe most of it is being caused by pregnancy hormones at the end of my third trimester, all while enduring the heat and humidity of Houston’s summer and caring for and loving on my precious twin boys (who turn 17 months today!).  But despite this, there was a deeper dryness in my soul that only the Holy Spirit can bring to the surface and use to draw me back and closer to my Lord.

After a few weeks of feeling like I was crumbling emotionally, God allowed me to see that my prayer life had become relatively surface.  I still talk to God every day, all throughout the day, and about anything.  The boys and I still read Scripture and sing songs about God and pray to Him.  But my personal relationship with God was what had become surface and our conversations dry.  Technically it was my part of the conversation that was dry and my ears and heart that were not being still to listen and wait on Him.  

How and why could I have let this happen I continued to ask God and myself?

He slowly began to show me.

I’m the type of person who wants detailed instructions on how to proceed.  When I need to do something, I want to know how to do it and do it right (actually perfect which is another problem in itself).  And the area of motherhood is no exception.  If I have a parenting question, I want to know what the right choice is and how to go about doing it.  If I feel weary emotionally or physically, I want energy.  As much as I hate to admit it, I’m no different than a child in the fact that I want something and I want it now.  And this is what my heart’s prayers were like for a while.  I’d pour out my heart to God explaining I needed energy, peace, patience, guidance and wisdom.  Excellent requests I know.  But my heart was not focused on God.  I saw Him as a genie who would give me the energy, peace, patience, guidance and wisdom just because I asked.  Yes, God always provides, but He does so as He knows is best, and not necessarily on our terms. 

Because my heart was not focused on God, but rather my circumstances, I began to get discouraged when I continued to be weary or clueless about certain areas of parenting.  Although unintentional, this discouragement is what I think began my slow drift away from what my relationship with God was. 

Once God had showed me my heart, I began to ask Him to guide me to where He wants me and what He wants me to do.  I asked for energy, peace, patience, guidance and wisdom, but only as He decided was best.  Since then, He has been helping me in my prayer life again and showing me where to find and how to embrace His peace He continually lavishes us with.  One evening several nights ago after the boys went to bed, God led me to search for Scriptures that were an encouragement to me.  I needed reminders of His truths to get me through moments I refer to as 'the heat of battle’ that every mother knows from time to time; times when days are just beyond rough or completely out of your control.  I found passages that fit my heart’s needs perfectly, printed them out and posted them around the house downstairs and upstairs.  I read them often to myself or out loud to the boys throughout the day (which they love), and make a special point to read them when I’m feeling weary.  I’ve caught myself actually reciting them even when I’m nowhere near them.   (I posted the Scripture passages I chose at the end of this post.)

God has also shown me that I become most weary emotionally and physically when my eyes are on myself and not Him.  There are some days I’m so tired, I just want something to be convenient, and let’s face it, not too many areas of motherhood are convenient.  It requires a lot of consistent effort and love no matter how you are feeling that day.  But through prayer, God has helped me keep my eyes focused on Him and His will instead of myself.  I realize now that God will provide for my every need, never leave me, is my strength and even goes before me in each situation.  I don’t have to worry about my steps, only that I take the next one in front of me.  I’ve found great peace and joy as I turn tiring situations these past several days into moments of asking God what is he doing in my sons’ lives or ours; in asking God what it is He desires for me to teach or do for those around me instead of what He can do for me. 

There are so many other branches of this subject I could get wrappred up in writing about, but for now I just wanted to capture my thankfulness that God has allowed me to see my heart and has covered me with His grace and shown me His better way; the best way!  I always say that God is much bigger than any success or failure of mine.  For this I am continually thankful!  This week I have an extra big smile when I see that God is also much bigger than my pregnancy hormones and physical fatigue! 

Gavin and Wyatt’s favorite song is a perfect way to end this post:

“My God is so BIG, so STRONG, and so MIGHTY!  There is NOTHING my God can NOT do!!! “

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” ~Philippians 4:6-7~

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“No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man.

But God is faithful; who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able. But with the temptation you will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.”   ~1 Corinthians 10:13~

“In your anger do not sin… and do not give the devil a foothold.” 

~Ephesians 4:26-27~

“The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish pulls it down with her hands.”  ~Proverbs 14:1~

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“God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change and though the mountains slip into the heart of the sea; though its waters roar and foam, though the mountains quake at its swelling pride. Selah. The LORD of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our stronghold. Selah.” ~Psalm 46:1-3,7~

“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strength you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.”  ~Isaiah 41:10~

“And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you.  He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

~Deuteronomy 31:8~

“For God has not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind (self-control/calm).” ~2 Timothy 1:7~

“Commit your works to the LORD, and your thoughts will be established (he will establish your plans).”   ~Proverbs 16:3~

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“But as for you, brethren, do not grow weary in doing good.”

~2 Thessalonians 3:13~

“But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” ~Isaiah 40:31~

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” ~Matthew 11:28-30~

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“Love is patient, love is kind, it is not envious. Love does not brag, it is not puffed up. It is not rude, it is not self-serving, it is not easily angered or resentful. It is not glad about injustice, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

~1 Corinthians 13:4-7~

Sharing Faith and Freedom in Christ

I watched my two boys practice sharing this morning.  While some days they just love the concept of giving brother a turn, this morning was not one of them as they played with their new laptop.  But still my heart couldn't help but smile; smile a huge smile actually!  All I could think about was how incredibly blessed we are to be able to practice and share our faith so openly.  No matter how much I feel our country has fallen from what our Founding Fathers intended and worked so hard to build, what an amazing country it is!  It's amazing for so many reasons, but this morning my heart is especially thankful for our freedom to live out our faith so openly.

Yesterday Gavin's favorite word was Bible (pronounced Bi-bal).  They loved touching my Bible and sitting on my lap as I read (and prayed they wouldn't accidentally tear the pages in one quick movement).  They loved 'reading' their children's Bibles all morning too.  I watch them dance as we sing songs about God and His Son Jesus.  How amazing is it to be able to teach our children about our God in our home and have no fear of them speaking of Him in public!  I love being able to teach them all about God's creation when we are out and about; showing them the beauty He lavishes us with.  There are so many places we would never be able to talk about our faith so openly without being arrested or killed.

I think about this freedom and our freedom we have in Christ alone.  What amazing peace I am filled with as I think of my children free to be who God created them to be; free to live the lives they were designed for.  Free from the bondages of sin and the chains this world tries to put on us.  At the end of the day, my biggest prayer for our boys is that they know, love and serve their Savior and that they know who they are and follow Him on the journey He has planned for them.  I know it's a plan to give them hope and a future.  I know they will never be alone.  I know that through Christ they can experience the most amazing peace and joy.

Thank You Lord for our freedom in You and for the freedom to worship, learn about, and share You and your love.  Thank You for allowing us to pass on Your truth and being with all generations to continue strong in the faith.  Thank You for the other faithful families you bring into our lives.  I don't want to take for granted that our children will grow up with friends who know and love you.  I pray also that you use us to spread Your love as well.

Phases

Everything in life has phases and cycles; that's the 'essence' of life so to speak, how God designed it.  Thinking about it actually spurs a million thoughts in my head at one time about all the amazing rhythms God created.  But that's not what I set out to write about tonight.  What's been on my mind (well, part of the million things on my mind that is) is the fact that children go through a gigantic amount of phases.  Like life itself, I think it's part of the essence of being a child; trying a little of this, a little of that.  Seeing what works, what doesn't.  Seeing what works for now, and what works for later.  Trying and retrying things.  Isn't that one of our main purposes as children; to learn who God made us to be and how to go about living that out?  Of course this 'purpose of childhood' includes playing, laughing, loving, learning and did I mention playing?...  

Anyways, over the past 15 months I've been amazed at just how many phases our boys, and all children for that matter, go through.  Daily requirements such as naps and eating patterns for example are in a never ending flux.  Just as soon as we get a routine down, change occurs and we are trying something new.  Yes, while the solid foundation and rhythm is set, I'd say the naps and lunch schedules are always in the biggest state of flux around here; giving us probably 2-3 week cycles at most (sometimes minor changes, sometimes bigger).  

But still, there are a huge number of other phases the boys go through each new month God blesses us with.  Some phases are longer such as favorite toys or activities.  Other phases are very short; life cycles of days or weeks only.  I've seen the boys pick up 'tempers' to realize they only experiment with this for a couple of days.  They've gone through 'yelling' phases or times of increased whining, but they only last a week or so.  A lot of their phases I see them 'pick up' from other children while out and about.  They try it out, see if it fits them and our family and then move on.  There are a lot of other phases though, that we honestly don't know where they picked it up.  I think the biggest one each parent faces at least once during childhood is the inevitable 'throw yourself on the ground' and/or 'stomping' in a temper/frustration.  It's not like parents occasionally or routinely throw themselves to the ground or stomp when they don't get their way!  So where do they get it?  

Other phases are what the ones that make me smile and I try to capture a lot in the blog to remember as they grow.  The sweet and silly phases of their childhood.  Certain laughs or 'cheese grins'  they develop that make me giggle on the spot.  Snuggle phases, hugs, kisses or other heart warming actions.  Certain ways they say things and little mannerisms such as their fun 'penguin walk' and shoulder shake when they get excited and dance.  

I guess I write this to share that there are just so many phases children go through.  It's so important to remember this as a parent.  It helps me embrace and hold on to the tiny details of each child; soaking them in and thanking God that I get to spend this precious time with them.  It also helps me remember during trying days/weeks that 'this too will pass'.  I remember one of the longest frustrating phases the boys went through centered around the highchair.  (This was the time they wanted to feed themselves but I didn't know they were ready for 'finger foods' yet...)  During this 'phase', I put a picture on the windowsill that lists the fruits of the Spirit.  It reminded me of things to focus on instead of the frustrating screaming at hand.  This phase is long since passed, but I leave it up there to remind me of the many phases children go through.  

Hold in your heart the precious moments and let God walk you through the stressful ones.

 

The Comparison Trap: Part I and II

Before becoming, and especially once pregnant, I was determined to work on not having any expectations for our children and ourselves.  I knew it was important to learn each other, nurture and love each other, rather than to stress over the details of our life that would soon be changing quickly. 

Months into parenthood, I realized I was developing expectations about our routine and how we spent our days (and nights) as I have previously posted.  Even with great intentions, expectations can dangerously creep into our lives and become our focus.

I mention the slippery slope of expectations because I believe it is the twin of the comparison trap.  Just like expectations, even when we set off on our journey with intentions of avoiding these landmines, we end up falling short and set down the road of comparing.  It’s important to differentiate between general observations and the comparisons I am talking about.  Noticing someone has brown or blond hair, is short or tall, male or female, etc… Those are in my opinion general observations.  In my mind, comparisons are a ‘heart issue’ instead.  What do we do with these general observations we make?  How much of our energy is used thinking about these comparisons?  How do we voice them if at all?  Do they make us feel uplifted or depressed?

Part I: Unleashing Our Comparisons On Others

For some reason, ushering into marriage for most of us brings about the unavoidable temptation to compare our spouse and/or our marriage with others we see around us.  Is our spouse meeting our ‘expectations’ we should have never placed on him/her?  Is our marriage ‘as romantic’ as our friends?  Whatever it might be we are comparing, it’s wrong just as expectations are wrong.  It’s beautiful to have goals and hope, but if our expectations are anything other than ‘of the Lord’, they are unrighteous thoughts that, without God’s help and grace, can lead others and ourselves into a prison possibly for a life sentence.

No matter how we have learned to handle (or not handle) our comparisons in marriage, nothing brings out this ‘twin’ like parenthood does.  From our children’s first day we begin to unconsciously compare him/her to others.  How much do they weigh and what is their height?  Why is a ‘big baby’ worthy of more ‘praise’ than a petite baby in our society?  From thence forth, their weight and height is always a topic amongst parents.  Again, the same question?  As the child grows, parents begin to compare their physical developments with each other and then their ‘mental’ developments as well.  Soon parents compare them based on their academic and behavioral ‘success’.  Then it’s comparing them in sports, the job force, their marriage and their kids.  It’s a never-ending trap that sucks the life out of them, our family and us. 

I cannot stress enough just how important, just how vital, it is to remember that God made each child of ours, and others, exactly how He planned.  Each child is fearfully and wonderfully made!  Knit together inside his/her mother’s womb by our Creator, the giver of every life!  He has a special plan for each child; a unique plan for their lives.  He blessed each child with certain gifts and talents to be used later for His glory.  He loves each child more than we can ever fathom.  It is our job as parents to nurture, love and shepherd this beautiful child(ren) we have been entrusted with in the ways of the Lord.  Rear them to be the unique person God made them to be.  Celebrate whom God made them to be, not who you or society wants them to be!  Children should never be compared with their siblings or other children we know.  They shouldn’t be made to conform to the ‘books’ we read on parenting.

Perhaps I’m so passionate about this because God has blessed and entrusted Jason and me with twin boys, and for some reason, society places so many unjust comparisons on twins.  Whether identical or fraternal as Gavin and Wyatt are, twins are unique individuals just as any other child would be.  Yes, they may share uncanny similarities and a bond that is like no other, but they are still 100% individuals.  That means each will develop differently, have different passions and talents.  Yes, the similarities may be high, but they are not the same and should never be treated the same.

I do not understand the unnecessary comments and comparisons when we are out in public.  Why people we do not even know feel the need to tell me one is taller than the other, one seems more friendly than the other, their head shapes are different, etc. is beyond me!  Again, general observations are normal, but it’s what we do with them that is important.  When we make an observation, that should be it, just an observation and we move on.  No more thinking about it.  I know some might disagree with me on this, but here is where I’m coming from.

Our two oldest sons are 2 minutes apart.  We’re currently pregnant with our youngest son who will be 17 months younger.  Boys by nature compete.  I’m well of aware of this and never want to hinder this.  But one of my many strongest prayers is that Gavin, Wyatt and Luke learn to embrace and support how God has specially and uniquely made them and each of their brothers.  I want this celebration for each person’s uniqueness to spill over into their every day life as they interact with others and develop outside relationships.  I pray for this in our home, but I know there is no way to remove this comparison trap from society.  It will be used as a teaching tool in our home for sure, but oh how I pray more would be awakened to the damaging affects of comparison.  Through prayer and God’s grace, He alone can work on our hearts to help us in this area.

Part II: Unleashing Our Comparisons On Ourselves

I’ve been talking to a couple of my good friends the past couple of weeks about this topic of comparing children.  In addition, we’ve all confessed with sad hearts the bondage we can create by comparing ourselves with others; whether in our marriage and/or in parenting.  As a SAHM I’m constantly thinking, am I cooking well enough and keeping the house clean enough.  I am blessed with an amazing supportive husband who creates zero pressure on me in this area, and yet I still fret.  Why can a friend of mine seem to be doing so much better in a certain area?  What can I do to improve?  The most important thoughts in my mind of course circle endlessly about my relationship with my husband and my children.  Am I nurturing each relationship as it should?  Am I walking with God in each of these areas?  What can I be doing better?  Better, better, better?  What can I improve on?  Am I teaching my children correctly?  Am I shepherding them to follow Christ?  The list is endless.  I see something another woman is doing and think, ‘should I be doing that?’

I’ll go back to my thoughts on general observations.  It’s great to learn new things and try new things from others!  It’s part of being in a community that I think God wanted us to experience.  But how much of our energy is focused on this?  How do I feel about myself, or life when thinking of these observations?

We can fall into this pit without ever realizing it.  One day we just wake up and realized we’ve been swallowed and we’ve lost our Focus and Light.  As we know, He’s never gone, but when our eyes are not focused on Him, we are lost.  Just as we learn to give our children the grace God so lavishes on us daily (and let’s face it, hourly and by the minute!), we need to just as importantly allow ourselves to receive the grace He’s already given us.  Share with each other and learn with each other, but do not compare.  Take great comfort in walking your days with the Lord and letting Him lead you and your family.  Keep Him the focus and not others.  Find your continual peace and joy in Him, and Him alone.  For no one can provide us what our hearts long for except for Him who created it!  Pray to grow in God’s time, but do not long for it or make it your focus. 

I thank God for speaking to my heart as I type these words.  I thank God for opening my eyes and heart to realize that I too often place ‘my growth’ before Him.  Striving to become better can easily become my focus.  I’m thankful for God’s gentle whispers and healing touch to remind me to rest in Him.

May we all better learn to relish in the grace of God through Christ, and freely pour it out our spouse, children and all those around us.